I am excited to bring you an un-official race report from the first unofficial “Cheese County World Championships” (CCWC). This weekend was so low profile that alias names were used to unofficially register. This unofficial report from Tire Whorerat …..
Somewhere in a far away county, 28 mountain bikers unofficially gathered, filled with cheesy cheer, ready to ride hard and suffer together. Things were looking dismal on Friday morning. Rain showers scattered cheese county and weather predictions were for rain all weekend. By afternoon the rain had stopped and a few patches of blue sky were a welcome site to the cheese county enthusiasts.
Although the short mountain bike Time Trial course would be a little slippery, things were looking better than expected. I lucked out with getting the last spot in the starting order. I am not very good at TT, so having the whole class in front of me like a carrot on a stick was a huge help. By the top of the first steep up, I spotted L Boog ahead, and by the time I reached the gravel climb, I had the entire class right in front of me. By the top Colonel Corn, L Boog and I were 1,2,3. Boog and I stopped once when we lost the trail, only lost a few seconds, but lost sight of Corn. Then Boog slipped on a root and threw her chain. I almost missed the last turn and skid to make it. L Boog must have had her head down and missed the turn completely. What a site to be flying into the finish line and see L Boog coming the other way. Luckily the un-officials were ok with the mishap and scored us both. Colonel Corn and Goat took the stages for the day. Got home late, started laundry, washed bikes, showered, changed laundry, and went to bed.
Saturday we all switched to skinny tires and rode on some of the most beautiful roads in cheese county. There were a few cheesy sprint points along the way, but I was spit off the back so fast, I had no idea what went on up there for those. There were also two timed hill sections, "Cheese Mountain" and "Cheesepack Inn to the top of Old Cheese Rd". Old Cheese Rd was a killer. I knew the climb so I had an advantage over the few that did not, but that did not make it hurt any less. A big thumbs up to Beer Boobs and Freaky D for toughing it out. Some believe that this was the climb that made Bluex Wrathgore crumble. A big thanks to Mayor Mac Cheese for those long pulls. In the GC after Saturday: Colonel Corn and Goat only by a margin over out of towner Aronasausus Rex from Massocheesitz. Got home late, started laundry, showered, changed laundry, and went to bed. zzzzzzzz
Now that our legs felt like cheese, Sunday we got back on our mountain bikes, and rode more hills and some rail beds to get to the trails. Although it got a bit tedious, it worked out well to loosen the legs up. We had two timed sections mostly uphill. Riding in the woods at Allacheesy was cheese heaven. I wish we spent the whole day there to ride. I’ll cast my cheesy vote for that next year. L Boog climbed her heart out and won the stage for the women. L Boog was my angel all weekend, pulling me out of laziness.
After 3 days, 122 miles, 12,000 ft of vertical, long rides, steeper than 13% climbs, suffering, the feeling of accomplishment, great camaraderie and a lot of laundry, Colonel Corn and Aronasurus Rex were the GC winners of the 1st annual CCWC. Professor Provolone and Briana LaFevre tied for the sprinters jersey, and Blockhead Squarewheels took the best young rider.
Special Note: After results were posted, the UCI (Union Cheese-makers International) leaked incriminating information to the Cheese County Press about Professor Provolone cheating. After a thorough investigation, it was found that the UCI accused Professor Provolone of using the provolone name without proper aging of his cheese. After going to arbitration, the UCI eventually dropped charges, after taking one whiff of his sweaty sprinters jersey.